Apr. 9th, 2014

freddyscomingforyou: (Default)
 Those moments when you realize that the decision you recently made, one that you knew was the best for you, makes even more sense than it did before. You spend days upon days trying to figure out if this big decision is a good decision, trying to figure out if this is the right decision. You talk it out, think it over, talk it out some more, and finally make that decision. Sure, the decision could make you feel like shit in the end, or even while you're making it happen, or even before, but you know in the end it was the right  thing to do. Then you question yourself, because after the decision is made, you see the aftermath, you see what it did to that person, and it hurts you, and makes you just want to scream, and probably punch something, and nothing can make it better, or so you think. Then, you spend time with people who break your funk, do something that takes your mind off it and that brings you joy, and you forget about how bad you feel for a little while. 

The next day, you wake up, and you remember the dream(s) you had, you remember who and  what they were about, and then you realize, you remember, that this isn't the first time in the past couple of months of you've had mornings like this, or dreams like this, about these people. This brings up the realization that, in fact, your decision was definitely in the right. 

However, as you think about these dreams, of these people you know personally, and some almost intimately, and you wonder, if you are attracted to them, or it's just your brain confusing you. You know some of them, it would never happen, and it's just weird that they're even included in there, but others... others are ones you know you would totally do it with, and want to do it with, but doubt it'll ever happen. Then there's the few you have done it with, and it's just your brain reminding you of that. And last, there's the ones you haven't done it with, have thought about it before, and it could actually happen, but you're too scared to let it happen, because every time you make a commitment, you know, deep down, something about it is wrong to you. 

This leaves you lost, confused, and most of all, alone. 


freddyscomingforyou: (Default)Aiden Kirk

December 2014

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